What's the deal with: Consensual Non-Consent

*The content of this blog is only for adults 18+

Consensual Non-Consent is the most asked about term on my website. With either the one asking being in utter confusion, bashfulness or eager to try. The term itself is a bit of an oxymoron.

Basically consensual non-consent is a roleplay where everything is agreed upon by two adults in the beginning, with hard limits and terms talked about in depth with a safe word. If either partner says the safeword the play needs to stop immediately.

Consensual non-consent roleplay scenarios can consist of kidnapping, teacher/student, boss/secretary, guard/prisoner alongside a long range of scenes and fantasies. In essence it is consenting to do a roleplay scene where one party pretends to be non-consenting/forced. 

It is important to know that within BDSM that gender does not have to delegate which partner plays which role. Plenty of dominas provide kidnap scenarios where they, the femme partner is the top in the consensual non-consent roleplay. 

So how to go about having such an experience? Ask your play partner whether it be paid play, or just play whether or not they are ok with this. Be understanding that some may have a strong aversion due to past trauma. If they say no or seem unsure, don’t pressure them. If they’re interested or eager talk about it extensively. I personally enjoy these types of meetings however only with clients I have strictly laid out the circumstances with first.

After your partner agrees, discuss a safeword, hard limits/boundaries and what you both want out of the experience. It would be great to discuss aftercare too, and how the Submissive partner wants to be looked after when the scene is complete.

Now is the fun part! If you really want to get into it, you could organize uniforms/costumes, props, and elements to make the scene more interesting and enjoyable for the both of you. Who said adults can’t play make believe? Some of my most memorable experiences were being a sinned catholic girl and a priest, with my client wearing a full priest uniform and bringing along a wooden cross. I’ve even had a friend who practiced this in her personal life arrange a fake home intrusion with her partner in his friends wearing ski masks and drugging her with fake pills. The options are limitless. For the more inhibited readers simple costumes and a short script may do just fine!

During the scene it is important to always respect safe words, no matter how carried away you may get. If your partner says their safe word you need to take a step back and stop for a moment. Or while being the top, if you feel uncomfortable at times, feel free to say the safe word as well. This is meant to be a fun experience for both parties!

As for aftercare, there are plenty of articles online about subdrop and aftercare within BDSM. Just know that every partner is different, and what one considers after care may not work for the other.

The most important thing to remember in Consensual Non-Consent roleplay is that consent is key. Have fun, but make sure your partner is having fun as well!

I am one of the few BDSM practitioners in the world and in Europe offering consensual non-consent bookings as a Submissive and as a Switch/Domme. If you’re interested in the sessions I provide feel free to look at my Meetings page.